Nice Guy/Bad Guy

"All females like guys who treat them like shit". I cannot tell you how many times I've heard this claim, mostly from "nice guys" who have been rejected by a woman to pursue another man who doesn't treat her as well. I'm not going to say that this is entirely untrue simply because I am a female, but I do not agree that all females swoon at the sight of a "bad guy". However, it seems that most do. I speak from experience. Not with myself, but that of my female peers. I've spent a lot of time in my days comforting girlfriends who are broken up over their "ain't shit" boyfriends or love interests. They pour their hearts out to me about how they're so hurt by his lies, cheating, lack of attention, basically anything that suggests that he does not respect her. And while I always ask to hear the full story to avoid sounding like what society has dubbed the bitter, single friend, my reaction always seems to remain the same: why does she tolerate this kind of behavior? In effort to find some kind of explanation that will satisfy this question, I've come up with 4 possible reasons on my own.

(1) She's insecure: She doesn't think that she is worth more or deserves someone better, and so this guy is the best she can do. She might find herself flawed in some way and is afraid that if she leaves him, she won't be able to find someone else who will accept her or want to be with her...

Letters to Men From My Past & Present

1. "Baby this is tragic, cause we had it..we was magic". Any time I hear that line, memories of you flood my mind. Remember the random yet fun moments we had? Like the time we snuck into the ladies' restroom and started making out, aware that at any moment, someone could walk through the door. I didn't care about our surroundings. At that time, the floor beneath our feet might have as well been sand on the shore of a lovely beach, and the annoying sound of the water dripping from the faucet could have been the soothing sound of a breath-taking waterfall. That's how everything seemed when I was with you-like we were in paradise.You told me that I was turning you "soft" because you couldn't wait to get home from work so that you could call and hear my voice *laugh*.You would hold me in your arms like a baby; someone who you had to love and protect & dare not let go. I felt so secure in your embrace. I'd smell the fragrance of your familiar cologne as I nestled my head into your neck, and I'd know that  I was home. So why did you take away my home and leave me out in the cold like that? I know that you wanted our emotional connection to be strengthened not only by friendship, but intimacy as well. But I wasn't ready for the complexities, feelings, emotions, and attitudes that this experience would provoke. I wasn't ready to be part of someone else.

2. One night as we enjoyed each other's company, you opened up to me. For once, you let go of that "tough guy" facade, and allowed me to journey through your mind. It was there that I discovered that you were struggling with an internal conflict, though you would not admit it. It seems that you are torn between making someone happy, and making yourself happy. You fear that if you choose the latter now, you will regret it later. But if you don't love her by now, you will never love her. You entertain the idea because that's what your friends and family expect from you. You held me tight and said "I'm going to take care of you, okay?" I didn't know what you meant by that, and I didn't ask. I figured you were so caught up in emotion; emotions that you had robbed yourself of feeling for so long. Nevertheless, if you choose to break free from your cage, I hope that you soar high and allow yourself to enjoy all that the skies have to offer. If you choose to remain caged, I hope that you still sing, and build a beautiful nest together.

Can You Still Be Friends With Your Ex?

".....But I'd still like to be friends"
If you've ever heard those words from someone with whom you once had a romantic relationship with (and you still have feelings for), then you know that in this particular situation, someone offering you friendship is not exactly interpreted as a positive thing.When two people have shared a HEALTHY relationship via feelings that were once mutual, friendship is definitely a downgrade.

How do you become adjusted to introducing them as "my friend" rather than "my boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife"? How do you resist the urge to kiss , hold them like you used to, because you know that doing so would only complicate things. Or worse- how do you bare the sight of seeing them with someone new? You paste a forced smile across your face, but knowing that that was once you on their arm is tearing you apart. Sometimes being friends with your ex hurts-because you are put in a situation where you are constantly reminded of the good times, and you find yourself wanting that back. Even if you thought your feelings were vanishing, you find them resurfacing, stimulated by the simplest things.

But being friends with your ex wouldn't cut as deeply, it wouldn't hurt so terribly, were it not for one thing: they don't have feelings for you anymore. You still have feelings for them, but they've moved on. You accept their offer at friendship hoping that if you keep them in your life, you will get back together- that he/she'll realize that you were meant to be more than just friends. So you stick around, waiting, waiting..and nothing seems to change. Their mind is set. It hurts like hell. What do you do now?

I just don't see how people do it. Sometimes it might hurt not to have ANY kind of relationship with him/her, but it might hurt even more to be their friend.

Your Thoughts on the subject?

Question: How Do You Know Which Is Being Sincere?

Just wondering...a lot of females face this dilemma: How do u tell the difference between a guy who tells you all the things you want to hear, because he is motivated by bad intentions && a guy who is actually being sincere when he expresses his feelings?

Is It Possible To Get Your Heart Broken Without Being In A Relationship?

I don't remember if I've mentioned this on my blog previously, but I've never been in a committed relationship. I know that I've mentioned that I've been hurt yes, but I've never said "this is my boyfriend". I will explain why in a bit. First of all, let me tell you that I know I've been hurt, because it felt like someone ripped my heart from my chest, and stomped on it with his heavy timberland boots till the love, care, and hope drained from the holes....And when I've managed to finally stitch it back together, another comes along, rips my patch-work heart from behind that massive wall in my chest, stomps on it with his heavy timberland boots, and drains what little was left. Early this morning, I posted this as my facebook status:

Same shit, different guy. Same guy, different lie.

I got a lot of feedback from this: girls liking and/or agreeing, and guys opposing, one even liking it! Someone then went on to ask me how is it that I've been hurt when I've never been in a relationship.

How is that possible? I'll tell you how...

As long as mutual feelings are involved, and you both express your interest in wanting to take things to another level. The person swears to you that you can trust them not to deceive you, to play you..and even though initially, you were reluctant, you open up your heart, and let them in, with the mindset that things are going to work out as long as you take it slow. You believe them when they said you can trust them. Then, they go ahead and do some grimy shit, and simultaneously, "play you". With that said, how is it NOT possible to get your feelings hurt? Especially when it's a different guy, each time. And I said to that person who questioned me, "And that's why I've never been in a relationship. Because they hurt me before we can even get to that step".

It's Like Virginity Is Some Kind Of Handicap...

"You're a virgin? wow, that's really hard to find these days"

That's the response I usually receive from a guy.

Or...

"So would you let me take it?"

This one is common too, only less frequent than the first.

The latter always upsets me. Obviously your recent discovery of my sexual status highlights the fact that you still have a lot to learn about me . Why would I let a guy who barely knows anything about me...my mind, my feelings & who I hardly know anything about, "take it"? Yes, it means that much to me, because it's a piece of my being that I can never get back, and carries significant consequences. Either the guy is highly egotistical, very ignorant, nonchalant about the matter, or simply does not place a high value on sex. I perceive it as more than just a physically pleasurable experience. To me, it's a union that connects two people emotionally, as well as physically. It's a mutual understanding, a deeper way to express your feelings for each other. So why fool, would I let you "take it"? That response is such a turn off & guarantees that you won't "take it".

Although I'm in no hurry to lose it, I  sometimes I feel like it acts as a barrier towards advancing my relationships with guys. Most of them I meet are usually pleased to hear that I'm a virgin. I used to think that it was a turn off, as it means that I'm inexperienced (Sometimes, it still is). Now, they commend me for it. Apparently, for the wrong reasons. I think it's because they want the title of "my first" for ego purposes. When I realize that a guy and I are developing feelings for each other, and/or we've gotten physical, I let him know "Look man, this is how it is and well, I don't know when I'm going to be ready..." & he says "It's okay. We don't have to have sex yet" Bullshit.

It's really hard to find a guy these days who is willing to wait for me. Truth is, I have to be reasonable and acknowledge the fact that if he's been sexually active for a while, it's going to be difficult for him to suppress that need. Unfortunately, his needs, impatience or frustration usually results in my heartbreak...

"I'm Not Bitter, I'm Mad as Hell"

I'm sick of guys and their bullshit. If there ever were to be a spokesperson for a men-bashing society, it would be me. I have every right to say this. You'd say the same thing too if you were in my shoes. They get pissed when we say that they're all the same, but why is it that you go through the same shit with every guy that you give your time to? And every guy your homegirl gives her time to. And the latest gossip you hear is about the chick down the street who is going through the same thing. And this woman on the Tyra show is crying over her lame ass boyfriend who is more worried about getting some air-time that he is about the chick's feelings. And why is it that the same dude who was voted "cutest couple" with his girl for the yearbook, is the same one tryna holla when she's not around? You even see the shit that the men you love the most like your brother, cousin, uncle, etc to do females. Then you're gonna tell me that "they're not all the same." Okay. obviously, I don't mean that shit literally, like every human being walking on earth with 2 balls between his thighs is an asshole. But the majority of them sure as hell are.

I heard there are good guys out there...where the hell do they keep those at? And I'm not talking about the ones who would give any female the time of the day because he's usually in his mama's basement playing Halo 3, having no life. I'm talking about the ones who actually have something good going for them. I don't want to hear "you've just been looking in the wrong places" because if I were to look anywhere else, I'd be kickin' it with an alien on Mars. I've met many dudes who have told me "I'm not like the rest." Well it doesnt mean shit till you prove it boo.

I Warned My Foolish Heart...

I warned my foolish heart...                           
I told it to beware of his warm firm hold
His sweet kisses
His ability to make me fall into a fit of giggles
Don't give in....
Hold on to the protective bolts
I've worked so hard on putting all the little pieces back together
Hasn't it learned anything from the first 4 who ripped it apart?
What makes it think this one is any different?
Stupid heart....
"He's just like poison, slowly moving through my system, breaking all of my defenses with time..."
That's the first sign of developing feelings...
A song reminds me of him
It constantly plays itself in my head, as my mind absorbs the lyrics and applies them to our situation
Last night my stomach did somersaults as each minute passed, indicating his proximity to my house
I visited the mirror many times until it finally convinced me that I looked just right
No, no, no...Stop. I'm not supposed to care
Since when did I retire my sweats to impress him?
It won't work out...it can't work out
He's not even my type
See heart, we don't need him
I know you have all the love in the world to give
But you can't keep subjecting yourself to the abuse
In time we will give it another try
Just not right now
"You're just like poison, I'm addicted, I can't lie...kiss me one more time before I die"

Cat Fights & Foolish Girls

♪ Listening to: This Means Money- Konshens ♫

"Ohhh, she was messing with my man? Imma beat that trick's 
ass" Girl please. You are so foolish. You remove your earrings to fight the girl who your man has been messing with behind your back while he tries to pull you away from her saying "Baby calm down, chill with all that" What he's really saying in his mind is "Ahhh shit, two girls are fighting over me" You fool. You forgive him as soon as he holds you in his arms and says "You know you're the only girl I love. She doesn't mean anything to me" Then you cook him dinner and treat the slimy frog like the prince he's NOT.You let him get away with creepin' around while you tell all your girlfriends what a s**t his side piece is. Because oh, excuse me, SHE'S TO BLAME. Fool.
              
        You fail to REALIZE that if your man loves you like he says he does, if you're really his one and only, then you wouldn't have to fight any females over him in the first place. You're calling up the numbers in his phone, telling all his female contacts to keep their distance. But why? If you can trust your man, why do you feel the need to do that? Why should you feel threatened by those ol' fast females? Go ahead and ask him to delete the digits then. And have him burn the little black book he hides in the closet drawer while he's at it.

                                    Call the other woman every derogatory word you can think of. And hey, maybe she is every single one. But you still refer to him as "my man". Let me just tell you this...HE'S the one who is supposed to be in a committed relationship with YOU. If you two are married, then HE'S the one who made vows to YOU. The other woman might be wrong, but at the end of the day, she owes you NOTHING. She might just have gotten played by him too, with no knowledge of your existence. So before you remove your jewelry to get ready to whoop her arse, check "your man" first.