If you've ever heard those words from someone with whom you once had a romantic relationship with (and you still have feelings for), then you know that in this particular situation, someone offering you friendship is not exactly interpreted as a positive thing.When two people have shared a HEALTHY relationship via feelings that were once mutual, friendship is definitely a downgrade.
How do you become adjusted to introducing them as "my friend" rather than "my boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife"? How do you resist the urge to kiss , hold them like you used to, because you know that doing so would only complicate things. Or worse- how do you bare the sight of seeing them with someone new? You paste a forced smile across your face, but knowing that that was once you on their arm is tearing you apart. Sometimes being friends with your ex hurts-because you are put in a situation where you are constantly reminded of the good times, and you find yourself wanting that back. Even if you thought your feelings were vanishing, you find them resurfacing, stimulated by the simplest things. But being friends with your ex wouldn't cut as deeply, it wouldn't hurt so terribly, were it not for one thing: they don't have feelings for you anymore. You still have feelings for them, but they've moved on. You accept their offer at friendship hoping that if you keep them in your life, you will get back together- that he/she'll realize that you were meant to be more than just friends. So you stick around, waiting, waiting..and nothing seems to change. Their mind is set. It hurts like hell. What do you do now?
I just don't see how people do it. Sometimes it might hurt not to have ANY kind of relationship with him/her, but it might hurt even more to be their friend.
Your Thoughts on the subject?
8 comments:
...and perhaps how you feel is how my "ex" feels. We...well he more than me...decided that it was best to cut off lines of communication and just not do the friendship thing at all. Because something in me won't let us just be friends..and he was right. It was a rather complicated relationship...we had so much chemistry but we clashed so much at the same time. so being friends would definitely not work. I don't think. I think you can be friends with an ex AFTER you moved on completely and if it was just one of those relationships that was better as a friendship.
...and perhaps how you feel is how my "ex" feels. We...well he more than me...decided that it was best to cut off lines of communication and just not do the friendship thing at all. Because something in me won't let us just be friends..and he was right. It was a rather complicated relationship...we had so much chemistry but we clashed so much at the same time. so being friends would definitely not work. I don't think. I think you can be friends with an ex AFTER you moved on completely and if it was just one of those relationships that was better as a friendship.
Well, since I am the elderly commenter here, I will tell you to rest assured that friendship can be accomplished with an ex. Yes, it can. But it's not something that you should expect right off. It takes some time for each person to go on with their lives and arrive at the point where, once they reminisce upon the love once shared, they will be thankful to have loved said person.
Then it's pretty much free of any animosity of passionate feelings whatsoever. It becomes more of a friendship.
And it might even open the door for another opportunity to experience "love" with that person.
I know, I know. Just wanted to make you laugh. You did laugh when you read the above sentence, didn't you? Yes you did....Stop lying. Ha!
Don, I don't know which part was supposed to be funny! was it the "love" part? LOL!
But yes, I agree with you 100%. It's just unfortunate that in most cases, the ultimate outcome is far from friendship.
Oh. Sorry. I found this portion of your post to be hilarious @ But being friends with your ex wouldn't cut as deeply, it wouldn't hurt so terribly, were it not for one thing: they don't have feelings for you anymore
Probably because I have been in this situation before. Wasn't too funny at the time but after the feelings subsided I found myself able to sit and laugh.
awww, lol. were you the one who didnt feel the same way or was she?
Okay okay 'YOU GOT ME!'
LOLOLOLOL.
And there is nothing to be shamed of (being serious here) if you are down with MC Hammer. At one time he had the game on LOCK. In fact, *people from all around...came to get down...with the Hammmmmmmer*:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9tRIfOAfq4
LMAO!
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