Letters to Men From My Past & Present

1. "Baby this is tragic, cause we had it..we was magic". Any time I hear that line, memories of you flood my mind. Remember the random yet fun moments we had? Like the time we snuck into the ladies' restroom and started making out, aware that at any moment, someone could walk through the door. I didn't care about our surroundings. At that time, the floor beneath our feet might have as well been sand on the shore of a lovely beach, and the annoying sound of the water dripping from the faucet could have been the soothing sound of a breath-taking waterfall. That's how everything seemed when I was with you-like we were in paradise.You told me that I was turning you "soft" because you couldn't wait to get home from work so that you could call and hear my voice *laugh*.You would hold me in your arms like a baby; someone who you had to love and protect & dare not let go. I felt so secure in your embrace. I'd smell the fragrance of your familiar cologne as I nestled my head into your neck, and I'd know that  I was home. So why did you take away my home and leave me out in the cold like that? I know that you wanted our emotional connection to be strengthened not only by friendship, but intimacy as well. But I wasn't ready for the complexities, feelings, emotions, and attitudes that this experience would provoke. I wasn't ready to be part of someone else.

2. One night as we enjoyed each other's company, you opened up to me. For once, you let go of that "tough guy" facade, and allowed me to journey through your mind. It was there that I discovered that you were struggling with an internal conflict, though you would not admit it. It seems that you are torn between making someone happy, and making yourself happy. You fear that if you choose the latter now, you will regret it later. But if you don't love her by now, you will never love her. You entertain the idea because that's what your friends and family expect from you. You held me tight and said "I'm going to take care of you, okay?" I didn't know what you meant by that, and I didn't ask. I figured you were so caught up in emotion; emotions that you had robbed yourself of feeling for so long. Nevertheless, if you choose to break free from your cage, I hope that you soar high and allow yourself to enjoy all that the skies have to offer. If you choose to remain caged, I hope that you still sing, and build a beautiful nest together.

3. I remember when you took my heart in your hands and kissed it. It was then that I realized that you are danger. Yet, I couldn't stay away. I ignored all the warning signs (including that you remind me of #2) and continued down the path of  forbidden bliss. Once I entered this zone, it became evident that it'd be a tough way out. I've tried to go back to what is safe, but you've taught me so much about myself so far, that I wonder if I'm even the type who naturally plays it safe. You've made me feel things that I've never felt before. You've made me question beliefs that I've always been adamant about. And that scares me; that a man who I've known for such a short period of time has the power to make me look deep into myself and change, feel, be, things that I never thought I could. It leaves me to wonder what else you are capable of. I guess I'm afraid that this person who I've come to know all my life is not really me; that the more I discover about myself, the more I will change who I am, or perhaps, who I'm not.

4.  I really don't know what more to say to you, except that you'll always be my boo, even when feelings fade completely.We made each other so happy, didn't we? *smile*. Our relationship was first built on friendship, then stronger feelings quickly resurfaced and became undeniable. We gave each other parts of ourselves that no one else had ever been able to achieve. Was that where we went wrong? You imagined how perfect it could all be, and then you pictured losing it all. You said that the responsibility of caring for my heart was too much to bare. Out of anger, I called you a coward & a liar (for saying that you would never hurt me). But now I understand, though I wish I didn't. Because knowing that you hurting me was motivated by good intentions only makes me realize how much of  a caring soul you are.Maybe we are meant to be together, but not right now--and if we are, I'm just not sure that I'd be brave enough to give you a 3rd chance. Or perhaps we are not meant to be together at all. Whichever it is, I wish you well, like you did me.

5. How did I go from finding your name utterly repulsive to thinking "hey, he's alright"? You made me feel ways about myself that a woman never should, as you took everything I did for you for granted, causing me to question my worth. However, if it were not for my experience with you,  I might not have grown emotionally and mentally into the strong & appreciative woman that I am today.You were content with the kind of relationship we had, I was not. Apparently, as long as you got what you wanted, you saw no need to put my feelings and wants into consideration. Finally, I decided that you just didn't deserve all I had to offer and I walked away. It was only then that you realized my worth and it's unfortunate for you that you hadn't sooner. You kept seeking reconciliation and forgiveness and though I forgave you, by then, I had already lost interest so finally, you gave up. So you can imagine my surprise when you called me a year later to wish me happy birthday. Considering that you are the most egotistical person that I know, I expected you to to delete my number after all the rejection. I guess your apologies were sincere and perhaps, you did care.


I got this idea from  Shandra E